Catholic roller coaster on gay marriage is exhausting, hurtful for LGBTQ faithful

Last week the Vatican abruptly announced that it will not bless same-sex unions. This declaration was wholly unnecessary because the Vatican currently does not bless same-sex unions, nor was it under consideration to do so in the near future. Stating the obvious, the Vatican said that same-sex unions are a “choice,” but aren’t nearly all marriages these days the result of free choice? I certainly hope so. One has to wonder why exactly this statement was required at this time. What was the point?

Pope Francis created headlines last year over his statement that “civil union law” was needed so same-sex couples could have legal protections similar to those of opposite-sex married couples. This papal opinion was welcomed and trumpeted by LGBTQ Catholics hopeful that the Church might finally be modifying its position on same-sex relationships.

Almost immediately the Vatican responded to criticism and worked to claw back the comments, insisting that they were being taken out of context and did not indicate any change in doctrine. Subsequent discussions led some Catholics to ask if clergy could consider blessing same-sex unions. It seems clear that this new statement was designed to set those questions to rest.

The exclusionary statement from the Vatican last week hurt and discouraged LGBTQ Catholics who believe that our marriages are just as sacred in God’s eyes as opposite-sex marriages. As hurtful as these words from the Vatican were, we must continue to pray for the enlightenment of those who would judge and marginalize us.

The Pope’s supportive statements last year were just as controversial as these new ones are disturbing. Their conflicting messages leave many of us wondering where the Catholic Church and Pope Francis really stand on these issues. Since Pope Francis was elected eight years ago, the Holy Father certainly has given LGBTQ people cause both for great hope and for concern. We heard his beautiful “who am I to judge?” words revealing his own belief about the inappropriateness of judging LGBTQ people.

As a lifelong practicing Roman Catholic and an openly gay man for the last 44 years, it has frequently been difficult to reconcile my love for the Church with the anti-gay rhetoric and doctrine put forward by the Vatican. As much as I love Pope Francis (his picture hangs in my dining room), I often feel like I’m on an amusement park roller coaster, not know when the next drop or jarring sharp turn is going to arrive.

My husband, Michael, and I just celebrated our 39-year anniversary as a committed couple. Through all those years together we have remained faithful Catholics and practiced our faith, well, religiously. We long for the day when our Church will give up its crusade against same-sex couples. God gave us the great gift of love to be used and shared, not hidden under a bushel basket.

My husband and I were plaintiffs in Obergefell v. Hodges, the United States Supreme Court case that resulted in marriage equality nationwide. We believe in the institution of marriage so firmly that we fought as far as was needed to make sure it was recognized both for our own family and for so many other families like ours. As institutionalists, we believe in both the sanctity of marriage and the spiritual authority that resides in our Church.

I do wish things were different and the Catholic Church would recognize and bless the faithful life vows made by same-sex Catholics in committed relationships. But the fact it does not won’t keep many of us from identifying with and practicing our Catholic faith. The vast majority of Americans have accepted marriage equality as the law and a welcome evolution of our society. Recent polling suggests 70 percent of American Catholics support same-sex marriage. The Catholic Church will catch up with the rest of us someday. Until then I don’t fret about it because God is already right here with us.

Greg Bourke is a Louisville resident, UK grad and author of “Gay, Catholic, and American: My Legal Battle for Marriage Equality and Inclusion” (Notre Dame Press, September 2021).